“I would have worshiped my mother unconditionally if I were allowed to do so” is the statement I made a long time ago and I still believe in it. I always believed that the misogynistic and discriminatory statements that were made against women were wrong. However, I realized why they were wrong and found counterarguments to foil those anti-women attempts and sentiments in the budding after I became part of a team that conducted a research on women leadership and coauthored the report. Below are some of the questions and comments that men always croon to justify women’s inferiority. They are followed with my counterarguments that negate them.

It is a very valid question to ask that if women are leadership materials, then, why is it that the Almighty did not assign a single woman to prophethood or prophecy?

Counterargument: According to Rajabali Hassanain, a well-versed Lebanese-born American religious scholar: “Because prophets were given birth to by women, every woman achieves the prophethood/prophecy status upon becoming a mother?

"Men justify women’s inferiority using the following Hadith: “A nation cannot be successful if women lead it”.

Counterargument: Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi, famously known as Hakim-ul-Umma (“Spiritual Physician of the Muslim Umma”) in Pakistan believes that the “famous Hadith is applicable in a state where totalitarianism is practiced or a single individual is the entire power holder. The Hadith is not applicable wherever there is a consultative or democratic government. In other words, it does not hinder women’s leadership in democratic or consultative governments. Also, that Hadith was said when a woman was ruling Persia during the reign of Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) and was only addressed to her. It wasn't implied in the general sense.

"Why is it that a single man’s testimony in court is equal to two women’s testimony? In other words, if women are as wise as men are, why is it that a single woman cannot testify in the court? And that two women’s attestations are required before an Islamic court can pass a judgment while such restriction does not apply to men?

Counterargument: According to Shaikh Mufeed of Balkh, a woman is controlled 70% of times by sympathy and 30% of times by her wisdom. In men, it is the opposite. If women were not controlled 70% of times by sympathy, they would have never agreed to give birth, which is the most difficult pain they have to bear. For attestation or testimony, a human being needs to be ruled 50% by his/her wisdom. Hence, two women (30% + 30% = 60%) are required to testify before a judgment can be passed. The fact that you are ruled by or controlled by something does not mean you lack anything that does not control you.  

Also, according to Zakir Naik, the Indian Islamic scholar, two women are required for a testimony in matters of murder and financial transaction only . In the former, a great deal of fear is involved and, in the latter, money transactions are involved, which are always very tricky and because not always women are involved in major money transactions, it is better that two of them witness a financial transaction. It is no different than men's less knowledge about childbearing or other household and family matters around the house than men.

     "Women are feeble-minded (naqes-ul-aqal) or weak creatures."

      Counterargument: The most ridiculous and absurd comment a man can make is the one mentioned above. How can all women, indiscriminately, be weak-minded, but all the men they give birth to be, indiscriminately, perfect-minded (kamel-ul-aqal)? The premise of this argument is quintessentially hogwash. 

      One of our local language translators for the women leadership project was studying to get his master’s degree abroad. When I sent him the project via email for translation, he refused it by saying, “You have made a mistake in the report. You have negated the fact that women are feeble-minded; it is Prophet Mohammad’s (PBUH) hadith that women are feeble-minded. I was shocked to get a response from him, especially because he had just gotten engaged and that, also, to (ironically) a feeble-minded individual. I had to find another translator for the project..

Anyhow, it takes guts to ask these questions and provide counterarguments to them, especially in a country like Afghanistan. I have had to fight against the extremists for hours in their houses and offices. It is even more dangerous when you coauthor a report on women leadership against all odds and defy the so-called ground realities, which I did. However, I did it more so because I firmly believe in women’s righteous rights.

On a Thursday, my director forwarded an invite to a two-day women’s event and asked me to RSVP and attend the event. She could not attend the event as she was not feeling well. As soon as I looked at the agenda, I really liked it since they were issues pertaining women leadership and the so-and-so of the Afghan government and civil society were supposed to be there, so I sent an email to the organizers to confirm my participation. The event was going to be held on the following Saturday and Sunday. On Saturdays we do not work, but I decided to go to the event anyway as I thought it was worth it. I even called one of my drivers who is not very fond of working on Saturdays to pick and drop me. So came Saturday and I went to the event, which was held at Kabul Serena.

As soon as I got off the car, the armed guards at the gates asked me where I was going. I told them I was going to the women’s event, so they referred me to the meet-and-greet person or person-in-charge at the gate. He stared at me as if I had just descended from the Mars. It was strange, but I thought I got the stare as I was wearing the Afghan national apparel, which I always do and thought that might have put him off. He politely asked for my name and went through his list. There were names of around 200 individuals but no name was even close to my name, so he was kind enough to write my name right at the end and let me in.

I had to go through the security labyrinth to get to the venue. As soon as I got to the venue, it was tea-break and the corridor where tea was served was packed by men and women equally. I saw the registration table, so I approached them and told them I was there to attend their event. I would be lying if I said that the reaction I got was any different than the reaction I got at the gate. It was strange, but I had to give the whole world apart from myself the benefit of the doubt that day.

A Pakistani lady was kind enough to tell me that I had not missed anything in spite of arriving three hours late as the program had not started. She handed in the agenda to me. I got a cup of coffee, stood by a coffee table, started sipping my coffee and reading the agenda, which promised that there would be plenty of opportunities for the civil society reps to have a say about women’s issues, too. The tea break ended and the organizers of the event literally shooed the participants out of the corridor to the meeting room. I waited until everyone got in so that I would not sit in someone else’s place. As soon as I went in, I was stunned. The participants were all women. The only other men in the room were the cameramen. I slinked to nearby empty spot in order to avoid the eyes questioning my presence at the women-filled event. However, the organizers, anchors and a few others did notice me.

The program started. Two anchors were chosen for the event and I was fortunate enough to know both for official and personal reasons. They started addressing the audience as “khwaharan” or “sisters”. They kept repeating the word, so I started feeling alienated and questioning my manhood and whether my existence mattered anymore. For the first time in my entire life, I felt as if I was a social outcast and definitely intimidated. Women were acting fearlessly in their approach. For one second, I thought the cultural obstacles, prejudices, discrimination and so on and so forth against women were mere rumors and nonsensical fabrications.

The whole room was buzzing like bees. I could not listen to the speakers and I am sure even the speakers could not hear themselves, but they had to speak and then leave as if they had been forced into giving speeches. Some of the participants were busy introducing their NGO’s and their activities to other participants while I am sure some participants were gossiping, which is a universally-accepted fact about women and even men.

Then, came the lunch! I waited for all the women to take their food and then went to stand in line. All I could see was women with plates that contained food for at least two people – something that I usually see men do in the wedding parties and at buffets. Finally, it was my turn. As soon as I went out, I saw two lines. I stood behind a line and got my food. When I came back, I found that my seat was occupied by a woman although I had put my name plug right where I was sitting. The woman was busy eating and did not even look up, so I, inevitably, had to take the seat next to her. As I saw from the corner of my eyes, she was giving me these looks and quietly inquiring, “How on earth did you dare sit by me!” and I was avoiding her altogether just like girls avoid guys while walking on the roadsides so that they wouldn’t cut unbecoming and nasty remarks at them.

The afternoon session was too noisy. At one point, it was only me paying attention to the speakers and apparently the first two tables in the front row. The other women were buzzing like bees do as they gather around their hornets. I really wanted to ask some women to keep quiet but I did not have the moral courage to do so. Seriously, I mean it, but more so about the courage part. There was one woman whom I didn’t know but she would keep talking no matter where she would go. She had really ticked me off, but I was taking deep breaths and la hawlo wala’ing my anger.

Finally, the part that I liked arrived. The women participants (not me, though) were asked to be divided in four groups for a group work. Their ideas were supposed to be gathered and presented the following day. I saw a so-called famous woman amongst the audience, too. She sat in the group that I joined and said, “I have freed myself from all my work to work with you guys in this working group”. She said it in a very peremptory manner and I said to myself, “Since when have you started helping women? You are just a symbolic piece on the chess table and ornament and are good for formalities only. That is it!”

Anyhow, I sat down and this girl who looked like the witch who guards the orphans and is cruel to them in the olden Hollywood movies was assigned as our facilitator. I was sitting right where the white flipchart stand was placed, so the first thing the facilitator did was to move me a bit far from the stand so that no one had any problems seeing the flip chart. She said, “Brother, please move a bit so that others can see the flipchart”. All I did was say “Your wish is my command” and moved my chair. She was gathering ideas but was in no mood to listen to an alien like me. After all, that is what I was in that event.

I had to make an important phone call, so I left the room and went outside. As I returned to the room, I saw that someone had occupied my chair although my stuff was right in front of the chair on the table. It really pissed me off. YES.. IT REALLY PISSED ME OFF and I am not going to replace it with TICK ME OFF or FLIPPED ME OUT because it was beyond control. I collected my things on the table and wanted to leave when a female MP looked at the lady sitting on my seat and said to her, “Look, you have occupied his place”. She replied, “Oh, really?” Then, she looked at me and gave me the feeling that she would empty the seat. She gave me the look that women do when they are about to say “You poor thing”, gave me this fake smile and said, “I am really sorry. Was it your place?” She wanted to say sorry but not for her mistake or to get up and leave but to say “Well, I have occupied your seat and am not going to leave, so I am sorry for your loss”. I said to her, “Well, it is your day, so you have done the right thing by occupying my seat”.

I took my things and waited in the lobby of Kabul Serena for my driver to come. He took all the time in this world and never seemed to arrive. I called him twice but he was stuck in traffic. This ruined my mood further but there was little that I could do. Finally, my driver arrived and as I sat in the car, I told him what happened. I told him that Afghanistan would be a dangerous place if women were to take over, but that is one of the remarks that you make out of anger and you mean nothing by it because none of the two is going to happen any time soon.

I may get mad at a woman, but I will never disrespect her or make derogatory and harmful remarks to her because that is just wrong. However, my driver had different thoughts. I complained that the women were talking too much and I couldn’t hear the speakers. He told me the following joke to make my day:

One day two women were discussing their previous night’s sexual encounter with their husbands. One of them said, “We are married so we and our husbands talk about us. I wonder what the single soldiers talk about.” The other woman said, “Well, they either talk about your private part (saaman) or mine”.

I was shocked as my driver is in his late 50’s and I am only in my late 20’s. I had never entertained such low thoughts, nor have I ever allowed him to say jokes like that to me, so I paused for a while to see if he would apologize for the joke, but he didn’t. Though, he did realize that he had made a huge mistake.  I would have fired him but he is the sole-breadwinner of huge family consisting of many daughters, so I had to let go of it. I just kept quite wondering why that day was so troublesome.

The following day, I came to the office and complained to my director about the treatment and that she should have been there in my stead, but she thought I had done just fine and it was up to me to attend the second day’s event. As I opened the agenda for the second day, I saw that there were opportunities for me to share my concerns about women’s rights and leadership, so I forgot Day-1 and went to Kabul Serena once again (Yeah…I know I surprised myself as much I have surprised you with the last statement).

When I entered the room again, this time I saw a few men, especially the ones who praise women and want democracy for their neighbors’ mothers, wives, sisters and daughters, but not for theirs. They did not have words to describe how great women were, but if you would dig deep, they have done nothing for women.

The second day’s highlights were the followings:

A woman cut me off to take tea. I just couldn’t have any more of it, so I said, “Look ma’am, when you do not observe others’ rights in an event that is held to celebrate you, how can you possibly ask for equal rights and opportunities? In response, she said, “I am standing in line. I just don’t which stone you have crawled from?” I was speechless at her presence of mind and the immoral courage she had to tell me off what I would hesitate in saying in a million years.

Secondly, the talkative lady whom I complained about earlier sat in the same table where I was sitting and she wasn’t that quiet this time around, either. I put up with her for a while before I could not hear the speakers, either. So, I looked at her and said, “Look ma’am, the ladies in the front row are complaining that because you are speaking, they cannot hear you, so please…”. She looked at me and after feeling a certain shock, she said “OK” and stopped talking. During the lunchtime she was telling two MP’s that if they wanted to create email accounts, she could help them with it. All of a sudden, I got curious and asked which organization she represented. She smiled and said, “I do not represent any organizations. I am an MP and my name is…” I will not mention her name, but my eyes lit-up and, this time, she shocked me. We had communicated via email and phone earlier and she was very nice to me, but we had never met face to face. She was amongst my favorite MP’s. She is educated and seems to want to serve the country.

As soon as I told her my name, her secretary, who was there too, recognized me. He addressed me by my last name. I apologized to her and I told her how much I appreciated having talked to her. In order to make-up for the earlier comment, I kept talking to her more, which made her a bit uncomfortable to the extent that I felt she might want to say to me, “Dude, relax! You are all over me. You are beginning to make me nervous. Just a while ago, you could not stand me and now...”. It was a sour deal. However, it was her idea that I should pen down my personal experience so that others should read what it is like to be in women’s world and I hope she reads this. Miss MP, if you are reading this, I am really sorry once again. You are a sweet person and I hope you forgive me and we can be in touch as I trust you can make things work this time around.

Later, I had taken my tea and was about to make a U-turn to get back to my seat when a woman rushed and shouldered me. The hot cup of tea spilled over my right hand and my palm got burned. The funniest thing was that she did not even look back and kept walking. I sat down on a trolley that the Kabul Serena uses to carry their guests’ suitcases and thought these two days were very intimidating. I was not allowed to speak even once in the conference room, my rights were getting violated left, right and center. However, I still stand on my stance to advocate for the righteous women’s rights. I hope that Afghan women will be nicer to me the next time around. If they don’t want to be nice, that will be fine, but I just hope I am given a fair treatment.:)

So those were the two days when I felt an Afghan man was a minority amongst Afghan women. :)

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Want to read my other blogs:
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5. http://innercalls.blogspot.com/
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